Sales drop to zero amidst speculation that bottom finally reached.
April 1, 2019
Detroit – Government Motors today announced that last quarter’s sales were zero. Company spokesman Youwanna Nicecar said “It can only go up from here. The deterioration of marketshare that began in the 1970’s is over now.” Stock market reaction was mixed. Share prices (both shares) were not quoted as it requires both a bid and ask price. Bidders were noticeably absent today, which could be due to their involvement in alternative events scheduled for the afternoon.
The big event today is the last working oil well (drilled in 2008) will be pumped dry and capped. The Sierra Club has sponsored transportation to the dry well event using a new form of engineless automobiles that capture kinetic energy from passing vehicles by means of Transport Optimization Widget (TOW). Sierra spokesman Ivan Nuther Badidea says that “TOW technology promises to solve transportation energy requirements for up to 50% of vehicles on the road today, even more if we can figure out how to TOW more than one vehicle at a time.”
Government Motors has not participated in development of the new engineless vehicles mandated by CAFE standards last year requiring up to 50% of new vehicles manufactured consume no energy at all. This resulted in disqualification from the Federal Bailout Program all manufacturers are now required to participate in if they want to make or sell products within the Milky Way Galaxy. The program was expanded from its original limited participation by selected companies in selected industries ten years ago because of the great benefit of the program to the companies and the unfairness of the prior selection process which was based on creation of an untenable business position. So many companies could not obtain an untenable business position without the participation in the program, but now all companies, except for Government Motors, are in full compliance.
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